What is it?

As I sit here listening to my children fighting over cars and witnessing the parentification of my eldest who believes he is in charge of how much noise the youngest two are allowed to make....there is something deep within me who has a need/want/desire/dream to have more babies in my life.

Cause I don't have enough to do.


I even babysit all week long and I need more children in my life.

Seriously what is wrong with me.


The problem, you see, is that my baby is almost two. (I still call him a baby and probably will for the next 15 years at least, and when asked where the baby is he points to himself.) Along with this my mother and I recently had to remove bags and bags of baby-sized clothing from my children's rooms. And then Luke had to take them to the drop-off boxes. And a piece of me died and left my body. ugggggggggggggggggggggh my babies.

So, what is it that I need? I know that I do not want to be put through pregnancy again, as ridiculous as they were. Or child birth (2 of which I felt ALL of). Maybe it's having someone who is completely dependent on me for feeding, comforting, bathing, entertainment. Someone who still wants me to hold them all day and all night and all day and all night. Maybe it's the little fat rolls on their wrist (which luckily Leyton still has)....


Whatever it is I know that I am not alone. There HAVE to be more mothers out there with millions of children who just need more, right?

I am excited to see what God has in store for me in Brazil. I sure hope its easy to adopt down there. :)